Shortly after being caught up in an accident at Bristol Motor Speedway on Saturday night, Clint Bowyer was overheard on his radio criticizing the driving skills of Michael Waltrip, who Bowyer mistakenly believed to have started the pileup.  “Michael Waltrip is the worst driver in NASCAR period,” said an obviously upset Bowyer, who is currently on the bubble for the Chase for the Cup.

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Nerds everywhere reacted with shock during Saturday’s Sharpie 500 at Bristol Motor Speedway when their hero and current spokesman fell victim to some of his own dirty tricks and was bumped out of the way by Carl Edwards on his way to victory.  Tensions flared after the race when Busch attempted to show his displeasure with Edwards’ tactics and bumped him, leading to a confrontation where Edwards to spin out Busch.  Nerds everywhere are decrying the move as uncalled for and are using words such as “bully” and “jock” to describe Edwards. 

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Tennessee is pretty much an inland state, immune to the effects of tropical storms and hurricanes, but area residents are snapping up plywood, bottled water and other essentials in emergency preparations for Hurricane Harvick.

Scheduled to make landfall at Bristol Motor Speedway on Friday morning, the general population will notice the early effects of the storm in the form of Harvick’s rumbling engine, then high winds during his qualifying lap, followed by clouds of dust and rubber kicked up during Kevin’s hot laps at Happy Hour, and culminating in a powerful surge on Saturday evening as Harvick tears through the field.  Motorsports forecasters caution that Hurricane Harvick will be powerful enough to throw cars against the wall, to send them spinning into Turn 3, and even to punch Juan Pablo Montoya straight in the nose if he gets Harvick’s fender out of shape. [Read more →]

Carl Studders is not a ladies man and he thinks he knows why:  “Women are intimidated by me.  They see me walkin’ around in my tight jeans… they see the bulge, you know?  They’re intimidated… And I understand.  I have huge junk.”

But after talking to Joey Logano last week, Studders thinks he has the solution.  “Joey was telling me how, if you put a magnet under the gas pedal of your stock car, it doesn’t appear to have as much horsepower.  He suggested I try that same approach with my tetherball set… you know, my enormous privates.”

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Tony Raines was channel-surfing last week when he hit upon the nightly coverage of the Olympics in time to hear Bob Costas tell the viewing audience about the preview of the men’s 400 to be run next week.

Raines was immediately sold, “The whole field was only, like, nine drivers and they had even less name recognition than me and my unemployed NASCAR buddies.  I had no idea that stock car racing was an Olympic event.  I didn’t even watch the rest of the telecast, I called up Dario Franchitti, J.J. Yeley and Jacques Villeneuve right away.” [Read more →]

You may remember about a month ago we broke the news to BFO Nation that Oprah Winfrey hates Dale Earnhardt so much that she is trying to bury his legacy in Kannapolis, NC. (Read the original post here: http://blackflaggedonline.com/2008/07/30/rip-the-dale-trail/)  Well, reports of The Dale Trail’s demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Fortunately, there is an entity in the universe more powerful than Oprah, and it is called the Cabarrus County Convention and Visitors Bureau.  Cordelia Anderson, a real person, informs us that, “The Dale Trail is not dead! We at the Cabarrus Convention & Visitors Bureau, who created The Dale Trail, are still very much committed to The Dale Trail. We are working with the city of Kananpolis to create historical markers and other enhancements.”

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Sunday’s running of the 3M Performance 400 at Michigan International Speedway was an unequivocal success for Roush Fenway Racing.  With 4 cars finishing in the top 5, the so called Roushkateers did what they had to do in order to improve their standing in the Race for the Chase.  However, instead of celebrating, the Roush Fenway drivers are disappointed by the fact that their 5^th teammate, Jamie McMurray, was not there to join them.  McMurray’s 10^th place finish, while respectable, had devastating consequences for the dinner plans made by the team before the race. [Read more →]

For the Detroit Tigers, Saturday’s 5-3 win over the Baltimore Orioles was the lone victory in the series and protected against being swept by the last place team in the American League East.  For Dr. Jerry Punch, the game was much more.  Shortly after the 7^th inning stretch, Dr. Punch, who was in town to broadcast Sunday’s 3M Performance 400 at the Michigan International Speedway, was approached by Comerica Park security officials asking for his assistance in the broadcast booth.  Little did he know at the time, but the former emergency room physician would be called upon to use his skills to the aid an ailing Detroit Tiger’s broadcaster Lumpy Barnes. [Read more →]

Jimmie Johnson spun through the infield at Michigan yesterday, pumping his fist with the wind in his hair.  It was just like he imagined it — the exuberance, the adrenaline, the pure thrill.  The only incongruity? Johnson burned his victory donuts as the 13th-place driver in the latter stretches of lap 200. [Read more →]

Hey boys, Buttercup Weatherspoon here with the latest edition of Jorts Center, your go to guide for all things fashion at NASCAR races.  Since we are reaching the end of summer I thought I would turn our attention to the holy grail of NASCAR fashion, jean shorts.  You would think that jean shorts or “jorts” are engrained into our fashion senses so deeply that we don’t need a special report but think again.  It’s time to rethink everything we know about jorts.  We’ve gotten lazy when it comes to jorts.  We are all guilty of going to the store and buying our jorts off the rack.  That’s a major no no!  True jorts are homemade.  I know, I know, no one has the time or the energy to make their own jorts anymore.  But trust me, nothing feels better than slipping your bare legs into a pair of homemade jean shorts.  The sense of pride and accomplishment you feel in your jorts will be second only to how good you look while wearing them!  [Read more →]

Brewerton International Speedway in Central Square, New York is taking precautions tonight for an unusual event at the D-shaped clay track, a protest.  Local Central Square, NY resident and little person Mark “Smalls” Vespa plans to make his opinions heard on Friday night as he is calling for a protest at the track if officials do not stop calling the cars Midget cars.

Last winter, Smalls Vespa started the organization Little Americans Midget Eradication (LAME) and Friday night is the organization’s first “official” protest.  The organization’s first unofficial protest came at this year’s St. Patrick’s Day party at O’Shea’s Bar and Grill when Mr. Vespa was over-served and coaxed into putting on a leprechaun outfit. [Read more →]

After the last restart at last weekends Centurion Boats at The Glen, Joe Gibbs Racing driver Kyle Busch held off victory-starved teammate, Tony Stewart to claim his eighth win of the season. “Num Num Num, Kyle good today. We good too, Num Num Num. Jelly good, Num Num” said Stewart with a mouth full of powdered jelly donut after the race.

Tony Stewart was a heavy (no pun intended) favorite coming into this weekends road course race at Watkins Glen, but Kyle Busch proved to be too strong at the end keeping Stewart out of Victory Lane again in 2008. But just because Tony’s victory-starved doesn’t mean he’s literally starving. After a few races this season Smoke has been seen running from his car to try and hit the Doogie’s Donut stand on pit row before it closes. [Read more →]

Friday

High: 69 Degrees

Low: 56 Degrees

Rain showers in the morning then thundershowers in the afternoon.  Chance of precipitation 60%.  Chance of Joe Nemechek qualifying for the race 0%. [Read more →]

Last Sunday’s red flag presented a huge dilemma for the U.S. Army race team as they had to get their driver in and out of his race car not once, but twice.“It’s just something we’re really only prepared to do one time — put him in the car before the race and then take him out when the race is over.” the Crew Supervisor In Charge of Moving Mark Martin (CSICMMM) told us.

NASCAR’s resident gerontologist Dr. Boog Detwiller explained: “In Mark Martin, what you’re really dealing with is a cross between one of them really wrinkly dogs and an extremely delicate antique.  It’s like handling a shar-pei with glass bones.  Getting him in and out of the car is a very painstaking process.” [Read more →]

I’m madder than a guy who just watched a video his wife secretly mailed in to America’s Funniest Home Videos of himself getting hit in the nuts with a wiffle ball bat. Why am I that mad you ask? I’m mad because when I Google “Boris Said Fan Club,” I get 28 result. 28 results? Derrick Cope Fan Club gets you 150 hits but most of the results ain’t in English and those that are seem just plain wrong. That’s a whole other article though I reckon. We’ll look into that.

Anyway back to Boris, one thing Google comes up with is the UnOfficial Boris Said Fan Site. Unofficial? Now that officially pisses me off! Don’t get me wrong, that site is “fan”tastic. I ain’t got nothing against it, in fact, mosey on over and take a look at www.borissaid.net and get you some unofficial updates on the man, the myth, the legend himself, Boris Said. If you are reading this article and asking yourself, “who’s Boris Said?” or “why’s that feller from NASCAR Now need him a fan page?” I want you to please immediately close this page down and never visit blackflaggedonline.com again because you ain’t ready.

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